Poems of Love

Deborah Kasumaj, a friend only known online and in passing, lost her battle to cancer at 10:45am eastern, also known as  Diva Benoir virtually she was a very beautiful soul, person, being and full of such love and energy that you could only smile at her presence.

Someone I knew only in passing,
But who had a soul of pure love,
Has finally past into the next…
To await those she left behind.
I shed a tear not for her loss,
For I know that we will see her in time,
But for the reason she was taken young…
And her soul had years to go.
I know inside that life goes on,
and I hope my friends can brave this storm…
Dear Deborah also known as Diva
We will surely feel your loss.

At last may you rest
At peace from pain
Our dear friend and warrior
We shall meet again.

NB: Happy Mummys Day

Today is just another day
The same as yesterday
Tomorrow, the next day.

And as another day,
The same rules apply…
Those laws you should be following everyday of your life!

Show those around you, you love them so,
Care for others, even strangers you don’t know!
Respect whats around you, and take only what you need,

But most of all, and you must believe me…
Cast no judgement on others, no ignorance to different
Be yourself always, no matter what struggles.

Happy Mummys Day :)!!

NB: I was writing a fan-mail to someone recently, a voice actor of a cartoon I like very much. I use to know one of the voice actors of that cartoon. She was a very wonderful, special, inspiring and beautiful person called Maddie Blaustein, but I knew her online as Kendra. Kendra was such a wonderful person and perhaps one of the most wonderful friends I ever had, we became friends long before I knew who she was. She died in 2008. She actually offered once to illustrate one of my stories but I told her no, as she was very busy.

Anyway, while writing this mail, and watching one of the cartoons Maddie voiced, I remembered a poem I wrote not long after she died that I never published. So here it is below. I know its not very good but at the time when I wrote it all torn up, it meant a lot.

Forever in my heart

I cannot believe that you are gone,
A friend who will live forever on…
For your voice I will hear so very often
As I relive those happy times from childhood over.

Even now, when they say that you have passed,
You somehow continue to make me laugh,
Bringing me a smile on the horrible days
And a giggle when I truly need to escape,

I can’t thank you enough for blessing me
With friendship, kindness, love and happiness
For showing me that everything is not just black and white,
For giving me happy memories, during those darkest times,

My only regret is I never told you sooner,
And at times took your presence for granted,
For that I hope you can forgive me
and rest soundly in the quiet.

Always your friend and angel.
Lil Matty

NB: To those who don’t know me so well, I use to be very sad (As seen in earlier poems). I use to wonder if dying was the best option for me… Especially after Madison died. At times I would try to carry that out, and a few times I came close. One of my worst fears is dying and having no one care or notice for a long time. This fear haunts me in my dreams a lot still. Though these last days, mostly this year… I am for the first time happy to be alive. I am not so alone, not afraid, not cold or hungry. I won’t say I feel safe as I am not sure I will ever feel safe… but I can say that I do feel truly blessed.

Truly Blessed

In the darkness of the night
I sit awake by the light
I dwell upon thoughts so deep,
About how my life changed in a blink…

In years past I lived afraid
I dreamed about my dying days
Afraid that if I were to pass…
I would go unnoticed for days and weeks.

And here I am just a few years on,
Happy to be alive and more…
With friends around me who are there for support
And who accept me without second thought…

I suppose I could ponder this for years…
How I got so lucky and blessed…
But something inside me tells me to stop,
And not to question this gift
I love so much.

I’m sorry Madison
To my dear friend awaiting me
In the realm of what is next
I beg of your forgiveness,
For forgetting you in this mess
I promise soon, when the world is calm
And the earth is once again in sleep,
That I will lay the flower as promised
Into the waters where you were laid to rest.
I hope your soul is not unsettled,
Or saddened by my negligence…
Keep waiting for me, as you promised I…
When the time comes I will join you.

~~ With my tears and regret

NB: a little poem I wrote to a creative friend of mine who has a regular youtube following 🙂

May in time we open our eyes
To the dreams that lay inside
And with a tear hold them tight
Not let them flutter away at night
Then one day upon our wake
Share with all what we have made
Not live so dark inside a cage
But a colorful world without pain!
Time will tell you will see.

With Love dear friend
From ME.

Love can break your heart
Create a void so dark
A space that is so large
That makes you feel crushed.
Yet no matter how terrifying
Horrible it feels
The hole that has been created
Can once again be filled,
Perhaps it won’t be the same
But at least it will numb the pain…
And maybe with the aide of time
Things will one day feel right again.

Hehe a cute “Mommys day” Poem I wrote, its very cute inside cards.

Who I love Most of all

My Mommy is the best
She makes me laugh when I am sad
Holds my hand when I’m in fear
Cuddles me when sleep is near
She makes sure that I am fed
And always warm when chills creep
Most of all she keeps me safe
From all the monsters of the world
My Mommy is the best
And I Love her most of all.