Archive for Other Writing

The Morning Routine

Commissioned Inquiry into Missing Treasury Funds
by the ZorroBear Intelligence Agency
(Where theres crime theres ZorroBear) 

NB: The Morning Routine of Her Royal Highness the leader of the Kingdom of Bedroom

Then Morning Routine

The day Always begins the same
Whether sunny, cloudy or stormy rain
This is Her Highness the Princess Kitty Cat’s day
Thats Princess Nom Nom, Booksitting, Bagsleeping, Fattycat, Swishy Tail the first

She usually stands up with a stretch and then follows it
With a MRrrroooowwwww or two.
This is followed by a run around the lands
After all being healthy is a must and exercise is grand.

She will run from the Kingdom of Bedroom, all the way to MattyLand,
She will then run back and make sure shes all stretched!
Of course running over anything in her way,
She is a Princess and the world must wait for her.
The only problem is this includes the tummy’s of any citizens
Including Matty who is usually still sleeping.

If Matty, one of the ruling monarchs of MattyLand has still not awoken for the morning
Then desperate measures are usually called upon,
This usually includes standing on his tummy,
Walking around in a circle
Kneeding on the blanket closes to his head,
And of course poking his  face with a very wet nose.

And just in case you are unaware,
Wet nose poking and head rubbing…
Is an honor to Recieve from a Princess Kitty,
Very few do.

If the great ruling Monarch of MattyLand awakes,
The Princess and leader of the Kingdom of Bedroom then proceeds with royal greetings
MMrrroooowwwwww is usually heard often,
This is sometimes followed by MEEERRRROOOWWWWW
And sometimes MMmmmeeeoooowwwwww
Although they may seem all the same to some,
These are in fact very different greetings,
So different that replying can be tricky.

After Royal Greetings have been spoken,
Her Royal Highness usually stands in the Royal Doorway
That is the great gate to the great Kingdom of Bedroom of course,
Just outside the great gate is known as the Royal Treasury,
Both great Kingdoms, the Kingdom of Bedroom and MattyLand share this treasury,
So before anything can be taken from the great treasury both leaders need to be present.

What usually follows is a very tiring act, but one that must be done.
Matty of MattyLand usually stumbles very tiredly and rubs his eyes to the great gate,
Passing then into the Royal Treasury,
Depending on the time of day the lights are then turned on.

At this very moment an argument usually follows,
There is many exchanges of MRrroowwwws
and Meeeoowwwsss
The Ruling Monarch of MattyLand usually replies
Don’t MRRrrrroooowwww at me I will Mrrooowww at you,
and usually something about how she is a fattycat gets said.

However after much debate over treasury allocations,
A royal tribute from the treasury is finally offered to Her Highness
It gets placed into the purple alter,
Where it is then collected by Her Highness at a usually fast pace.
Another tribute of royal water is also offered, however not always touched…
This is because Royalty prefers drinking right from dripping taps.

After the treasury allocations are gathered,
Her Highness then proceeds to pound on the great portal,
This is the portal to the vast lands surrounding MattyLand,
Once the portal is opened, usually by aid of Matty flicking a switch.

It is unknown where she goes from there,
However it is believed that she frequently visits Lord Pig Pigalot from Pigglylot
To consult on the threat of Pirate Zebras… and maybe plotting war.
However we can’t just go off accusations… that would be rude…

It should also be noted!
That this routine can begin from anywhere between 2am and 10am,
and that it is structure to change based on environmental factors.

Also Meeeooowwwww


In a Pout.

NB: I’m just sad today.

In a pout

It was a sad day,
Cold with a chill
Matty of MattyLand
Sat so quiet and still.

His eyes were a tear
As he sat on the couch
He snuggled Miss Lovealot Squeakypaw
in a big pout.

He didn’t know why
It was such a sad day
But he felt inside,
In such a big way.

He had lots of toys
So that wasn’t it
It wasn’t as if,
He had lost anything….

He knew people loved him
Cared for him deep,
He knew they were friends
Even when they were busy.

He had recently eaten
So he knew he wasn’t hungry,
He had been told you can be sad
When your tummy is grumbling…

He had a big bottle of water
Right by his chair
So it wasn’t that he was thirsty…
Its said that can make you sad…

It couldn’t be that he was tired
He had just woken up
From a pretty big sleep
Where he had dreamed a lot…

It wasn’t that he was cold,
Even though there was a chill,
The heat was on high
So that he could stay warm

But it must be something,…
For he could feel it inside,
A deep icky feeling,
He was sad alright

And in all that worrying,
That thinking, that pout,
A certain kitty cat,
Showed on up at his couch

She hopped on his lap
She let out a purr
She walked over him twice
And then sat on him.

And then Matty of MattyLand,
Finally Knew at last
What was making him sad
And pout so much.

It was just one of those days
Where he just needed a hug.

The Daily Life of Dr Captain Lucia!

(Image heavy, so please click read more to see all the pictures, if you are reading this on my main page)

NB: My friend Lucia and I wrote this together! I had to stay with Lucia after the Christchurch Earthquake made me homeless for a while, My friend Lucia HATES cheese, which I always think is funny, Lucia and I took turns drawing the pictures, Lucias are the cool looking neat ones! I hope you all enjoy it!

Please feel free to leave comments! and enjoy my first ever illustrated story!

The Daily Life of Dr. Captain Lucia!

Click each picture to make it large, and use the back button on your browser to go back to the images.

… continue reading this entry.

The pledge every pony makes

After a long discussion with a pony, the ancient super secret pony pledge was revealed

I here pony,
So do swear,
That all carrots no matter big or small,
Shall be eaten and chewed,
To save humanity is my mission,
For there ignorance to the threat…
Till death shall it be done,
Nom Nom Nom
Chew Chew Chew

The Soft Kitty Song from Big Bang Theory is real.

I think I am tired of the credit of such a wonderful children’s song not being given to the Author.

The song I talk about is Soft Kitty, well childrens song at least. Its constantly referenced on one of my favorite shows Big Bang Theory, and I get upset that they have not once given credit to the authors, leading people to believe the song is completely made up by the writers of the show.

This however is wrong.

The song is a wonderful song that was written and authorized in a book titled Songs for the Nursery by Laura Pendleton MacCarteney and carries a Copyright by Willis Music Co  1937.

It was republished in the 1950’s (or so I believe) and thanks to the Australian National Library you can find that online for free. The Soft Kitty song is actually called “Warm Kitty” and can be found on page 21. Despite the lyrical difference the tune remains the same and its quiet possibly someone working on the show remembers this from child-hood.

The tune remains the same and is a wonderful adaption of an english folk some and has been composed by Edith Newlin

So for everyone who ends up here from a search engine, here is your answer! I am tired of being asked, and correcting people!

Enjoy Big Bang Theory its a great show and interesting, we talk about it a lot in one of the Autism Support Groups I goto! Its a wonderful show where theres less drama and more the daily lives of these quirky friends.

We should thank the shoelaces!

NB: I am crazy! We should thank shoelaces for all they have done

We should thank the shoe laces,
Oh yes we truly should!
They save us every day
National heroes don’t you know?
You see those shoes are alive
Totally evil and corrupt
Its cause they have no heart…
Strange creatures that they are … continue reading this entry.

The Final Day of FortFridge

The final Day of FortFridge, as recorded in the history books of a doodle pad

There is was the final moment, FortFridge was facing its final days. I didn’t know how long I could keep up the onslaught. Nemesis (That really was her name!) was just to crafty. She was waiting outside with her foam power-ranger sword and I knew it was time for desperate measures. I opened the freezer and unplugged it. General TeddyBear gave a good luck hug and by flooding the kitchen the war had begun.

I had my water wings on and stepped outside, prepared with a pot for a helmet and pool noodle. The battle had begun. I took a swipe and she hit back, and backwards and forwards it went. I knew I couldn’t hold out for much longer. And so mean she was she ruffled my hair. With a shocked expression I called for General Teddy Bear to arrest her, however all he did was sit and stare. This really was the final show down.

I catapulted what was the last of the frozen vegetables at her, but to my dismay I just made little ripples in the flooded room. There was no hope. I put my last energy into a few more baps… but, my energy had been exhausted. Due to her craftyness of confiscating my cola an hour earlier. I was just to drained. I bowed my head and gave in.

We took a moments rest to look around, the food on the walls, the mess on the floor. Crushed vegetables floating around a small pool of water. And I gulped as a soggy chips drifted by.

FortFridge had fallen, and I knew there would be a week long clean-up to follow, but I would have to wait to find out what punishment I would face under the true dictator of Fort Fridge. Good thing Mum’s not home for an hour.

Copyright Infringement Notification – The problems of Internet Termination

I see that the subject of internet termination for piracy is back on the agenda, that’s the idea that if you are suspected of piracy (illegally downloading content that you should be paying for) your internet should be terminated without trial.

I thought I would take some time and share a story from 2008, an experience of mine about how this practice could go so horribly wrong. I was asked by a friend to do this and it is long so be warned your in for a big read.

… continue reading this entry.

My reply to a neo-nazi message on a forum

I am posting this here for someone else to read,

I wrote this as a reply to a neo-nazi propaganda post, on a forum I read sometimes. I wanted to put it somewhere else, remember I am from New Zealand, Masterton is a very small farming town. Anyway the person who posted originally was trying to say that foreigners are stealing jobs, that anyone disabled has no use in society, and things like that. This is what I responded.

Sorry this is long.

I have never left New Zealand, yet I look Indian, as my father is a successful fijian-indian who came here at age 16 and never left. My mother was born in Masterton, and her family are first generation immigrants (As we all were at one point or another) as a relative of mine on her side was a sea captain who bought many people across the oceans to settle in New Zealand.

I belong to a Scottish clan known as the Clarkson clan. I have a coat of arms, and I am proud of all my heritage. From both the Scottish, English, Fijian-Indian and Maori to as my Great Grandmother was an adopted Maori

I think people like you who talk a lot of neo-nazi propaganda about foreign workers stealing jobs, and whatever forget that you, yourself are nothing more than an immigrant. At some point either you or your family came to this country. Just like mine did, and just like everyone else’s here did. The same goes for all Americans, all Australians… and if you go further back through science there is a theory we all have come from one place and spread out as people, the environments we lived in changed the way we look, the way we talk, who we are as people.

Your posts, your quote. Your provocative language and your words that are nothing more than pure stirring of the masses in a deep prayer as your organizations like to say… “preparation for the revolution that is to come” are very out-dated, unwise… full of such false logic.

I am autistic, I have trouble with communicating, functioning. Under your logic I am a burden to society, yet I do so much for society at the same time, in my own way… as I can. What higher power, what logic… what science has given you the right to judge others? When you see someone on the street and you look at them, do you judge their being by how they look? Do you truly believe that because someone looks a certain way they must be a foreigner? New Zealand, this country… no this world. Is a multi-cultural society, people move, people breed… experience life and cultures. We as people migrate. Their are no real foreigners. There are only explorers and various systems set up to help the lands they explore cope. Are those systems right and wrong? I don’t think I have the experience, the power… the knowledge to truly judge that.

I am not just talking about this post but all the posts you have made this year. Although you will read this, probably get angry, write something mean in a response. I truly hope that one day, in your lifetime. You realize that we are all nothing more than flesh and bones, there is no difference between you and I, no difference between you or young man from a Tribe in Africa.

Perhaps it is to much of me to ask you to stop putting quotes from these organizations that were built upon hate and spite. Perhaps it is to much for me to ask you to stop trying to stir destruction of the society around you. As you should never ask someone to stop their beliefs. I do think though I and most everyone does have a right to say please stop trying to force these beliefs on others.

Well this probably makes no sense, I am not the best at communicating, especially in such long passages. However if it does on the odd chance, I hope you take this not as a dig, but more a prayer of hope that one day you do find some kind of peace with whatever anger it is you have with the world around you.

To my friend

I have seen a lot of things, reality far before my time. Stories and horrors that shouldn’t have been, and sometimes they confuse my mind. I spend my days staring at the sky, dreaming of being far away… wishing the world was different and just wanting to escape.

Yet sometimes strangers you meet or come by, making you realize this world is beautiful and wonderful to. They bring to you smiles, hope and make that all powerful feeling of abandonment… nothing more than a distant memory.

You are a wonderful person, never let anyone say otherwise. Whatever your faults, whatever past mistakes. Know that they are nothing more than experiences to learn by, no matter what anyone says… I know deep in my heart from all the adventures we shared together, monsters we slay and troubles we overcame but most of all the conversations we shared together. That you are a wonderful person with a good heart and choice of judgment.

~With Love

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