The Loaded Gun Philosophy – DARK

NB: I am not sure how old this is, it is very long and very dark and a bit sad. I am not sure why I wrote it. Feel free to comment on this one and let me know what you think. It was saved in my computer as The Loaded Gun Philosophy and I think it might be part of a story from when I tried to write about a character I saw in a  movie? Or a animation? Its hard to remember.

The Loaded Gun Philosophy

Happiness, joy; Are just words for me
And they might have had some meaning if I was free
If only someone told me that things could change
It might be different this very day
But trapped to a soulless body forever
To wonder around on strings dangling over-
I am very alone

Emptiness and loneliness are just imitations of me
My life full of sin and sorrowful dreams
Just another sign of my apathy
Always caged in

Always keeping my door locked tight
Giving no one a chance to breath or sigh
My gun is loaded
Ready to go,
I am agraid, I am alone.

You can believe that some may have tried
But I would shoot and make sure none were left alive
Not hearing any reason nor thought
I would think its as safe as the world could have got,
Totally broken, corrupt and vile.

I haven’t shown emotion for a time,
Never once shed a tear, never once have I cried
Perhaps I am a demon or perhaps I am dead
Either way its a sign that this world was never meant,
For a soul like mine…

Maybe I’m cursed or destined to die
I keep my vanity for the world locked inside
Never once have I looked back at what could have been,
My decisions back then, were final for me
Not ever made a plan of attack
For this is who I am

So here I am, caged up tight
Bars upon all of my sides
Dreaming of a place thats all mine
Where there is reason to just give up and die
Caught in dark submission…

The ghosts of my past are always here
Still calling out for my blood in fear
I just refuse to listen
I keep them waiting

I Keep going as I always have done
Living by the philosophy of my loaded gun
My door forever locked so tight
Always waiting, waiting in the dark,
To take another life.

The more that I waited,
The darker it got,
The darker it got
The more I forgot
For the reason, that I was there
Is now but a tear.

Didn’t think twice, my gun by my side
Ready to shoot, to take another life
But why? I just didn’t know.
Things I have now long forgotten.

Then upon a day sitting in the dark
Waiting for another dwelling upon my past
Caged and trapped with no thirst for blood
I began to realize that this is enough

The reason for hiding and running away
Had totaled my existence till this very day
Buy I could put down my gun and let it slide?
Just to uncertain, this life of mine.

Surely things could be put away
I could end my soul taking days
Whatever happens could never be bad
Or at least not worse than this
But is it worth it?

I sit there staring at the world so large
I begin to pound, to hit so hard
Till my cage was broken
shattered around
And I could stand once more.

But running to the door I found…
The world was not ready for this change of mine
Still caught up in a pace time
Not ready to unlock and let me in
Free of all this sin.

Tried giving it all I had
For the first time I shouted for help
But no one, was there to listen
I was all alone.

It was then I realized I had shut them out
That it was all my own fault
I created my own cage

I just wouldn’t give up
Gotta break the lock,
No bars were stopping me
I pounded so hard I came to blood,
It just, wouldn’t move.

Then finally I realized what I had done,
Holding to the past so tight,
Dropping that gun, that philosophy
I was finally, truly free
No longer bound by old laws.

With a breath and that extra strength
I broke the lock and stepped,
To my new existence
A world so changed
Breathing in the air of hope

Then with tears,
For the first time,
Looking at the sky with a smile
The rain to wash the world clean came
I lifted up my hands in praise,
Things could change

No more cages or waiting for an end
Or living by a loaded gun of pain
No more soul taking days
The world could finally be welcome again.

I was Free

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